March 27, 2017

Facing A Hard Truth. ("Life, Medicated." Part 11)

I realize this may be a scary thing for some to read, but my promise in writing this series was to stay honest and candid. So here goes today's shitty realization:

"Depression is going to kill me."

Like I said, not a great thought. But there it is. It hit me this morning like a brick. And I don't know what to do about it, exactly.

What am I talking about? Not actually taking my own life in a depressed state. That isn't what this is about. I am confident that I have safeguards in place to protect myself should I ever get to that low a point.

No, I am talking about something different but related. I am talking about the negative physical consequences of depression.

One study found that depression is as harmful to the body as obesity. 
Depression is almost as likely to cause heart disease in men as obesity, according to new research.

Another study found that ongoing depression is as bad as smoking. Seriously, smoking. Holy crap. Like I needed another thing to worry about, right? I thought I had a handle on my depression and coping mechanisms in place. But I hadn't taken into account the negative physical impact of depression.

Again, to be clear, this isn't about depression leading to suicide. This is about the adverse physical impact that depression has on a person's physical health. And that scares the crap out of me. Because I am already fighting obesity and my depression makes it harder to stay motivated to do anything about it.

What a vicious circle. Feel depressed so don't work out. Don't work out so don't lose weight. Stay heavy and feel depressed. AND then, suffer physical health problems on top of all that.

Okay, okay. I get it. I need to fix what is happening before it does even more harm to my body. 

So why do I feel even worse knowing all of this?

*sigh*